Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Cheers to New Beginnings

As with any
Journey,
 
Who you
Travel
with can
be more
Important
than your
destination.
 


She has Blossomed
She is a Warrior














It's been a journey from Separation to
                                       Moving in with my parents to
                                       Traveling to
                                       Divorce to
                                       Dating to
                                       Co-parenting.
    
I can close my eyes and remember each situation.  I made sure that I was present in every melt down and in every happy moment.  I made sure I felt what I needed to feel to help me grow and move forward. 

In just 7 days I take yet another step forward on my journey.  I will move out on my own with my daughter.  Alone.  No partner to see me through my bad days.  No one to help Danicah with her homework while I cook dinner and no one to hand me the towel  when I forget to bring it in the bathroom. 

Am I scared? Yes.

Am I excited? Yes.

My own place. My own home.   


You see I'm on a journey and every day is another chance to be born again to make things right.  Along with my move I have committed to health goals, spiritual goals and deep personal goals. It's different this time.  I can feel the strength that I've obtained.  Through every plane ride, car ride,  meeting with the attorney, tears and smiles I was growing.  I didn't know it at the time but the tears were just watering my soul. It will be almost two years in July when I made changes for a better and more complete life.  Changes to manifest only good and positivity.  When someone is determined not much can stop them. Every day I will clean out  the old  and start new.

This past weekend I went on a spiritual retreat.  I went in with an open heart and no expectations.  I spoke to women who were hurting, who were lost who needed guidance.

I didn't cry. I wasn't lost. I wasn't in pain. I had an Aha Moment.  I was at Peace.
It got me to thinking of one of my favorite passages:

"She who is centered can go where she wishes without danger.  She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart."

I was at peace.  I know what peace feels like. So right now I'm going to sit in this space because it feels oh so good.

I'll leave you with a few inspiring words from my sister who wrote me this letter before I left on my retreat.  As she hopes these things for me I transfer them out into the world.

I only hope of these things.  I hope you continue to hold on to the good in this world as you have taught me and those closest around you.  I hope your light forever shines and never dims.  I hope your love grows passionately and deeper than it's ever been. I hope you continue to have faith in those who hurt you and never give up on them that they will become better people.  I hope you never fall into the darkness of this cruel and dark world and that you will forever see it's beauty and embrace it's presence as you have.  How you see the beauty in the ugly is truly remarkable.  You have touched so many in this world.

You are LOVE.

When I think of courage I think of you.  You are a pioneer and amazing at being an older sister.  I almost think you were born to guide me.

Thank you to my beautiful sister.  Thank you to all of my friends and family who have held my hand, shared hugs, wiped tears, cried and laughed with me. 

Now in the words of my dearest Maya Angelou " I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch.  You've got to go out and kick ass." 

Here is to kicking Ass !!!! xoxo

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