He saw hope in my eyes. Even in this darkness I held on to the hope that one day things will be clearer and that I would finally be at peace.
Chaos consumed my mind. Pain and hurt pierced my heart. I needed to get away. I needed to go to a place with no agenda but to relax and clear my head. I chose Nature. It's one of the places that I can go to quite my mind.
No judgments. No pressures. Just me embodied in a place where God created for me. Just for me. He knew that nature would be the only thing to help me breathe again.
the lizards running through blades of grass.
The water jumping at my skin as I carefully walked through it.
I looked up through the trees and directly into the sun light. The answer had been there all along. Lori chose not to acknowledge what she already knew, but when you live your life with awareness you can't help but see it. A friend of mine once told me "Once you become aware, you can't go back." I can't go back. I can't do anything anymore that doesn't fit right with my soul. With all that I am.
That weekend I wished that the rain would have washed away all of my pain but it didn't; for that I have to work on myself.
I must remember to take one step at a time. The seeker in me needs to calm down. To relax. To realize that this is a transition and that one day I will briefly look back and be grateful for my pain for it eventually led to joy.
Because even in moments when you don't think you are moving forward, you really are.