Friday, May 20, 2011

To be remembered...

Erin Kramp.  I remember watching the Oprah episode a few years ago.  Class must have been canceled because I rarely ever got to see Oprah during my college years.  I was too busy working full time and going to school full time.  I remember the episode because I remember crying and feeling sorry for a  6 year old girl who lost her mother too early to breast cancer.  I cried because I put myself in her shoes. I cried because I was the child.  I couldn't imagine a life without my mother. 

I went on vacation this week to celebrate my husbands promotion and to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  We had been out all week but this afternoon was different.  Exhausted from a day at the pool my two lovelies lie next to me.  The room was cozy and I can see the view of beautiful crystal clear ocean water.   Channel Surfing I was able to catch the last half hour of one of the final episodes.  Erin-Kramps-Final-Message
It was an update of the once six year old girl that I cried for.  Payton's mother had only weeks to live when she decided to record every memory and piece of advice that she knew her daughter would need.  She did it with such positivity even though she knew that any day could be her last.  I lied there observing what a beautiful girl Payton has become and how her mother would be so proud of her today.  And then it came...The final message that Erin left to the world.  I cried this time because I am the mother.

Erin is an inspiration.  We truly take things for granted.  I am guilty of this.  For the past couple of months I have vowed to live as though it was my last day on earth, but even while I was on vacation this week I was down, something was bringing me down.  I spent some alone time with my husband and we chatted and laughed and hugged and kissed and looked into each others eyes.  And then I realized.  We both had been so busy that we didn't even realize that we were growing distant.  Time is the enemy.  It creeps up on you.  That's what made me feel down.  I try to be so grateful and generous with my friends and my daughter that I realized I was forgetting to include my best friend.  My life partner.  The beating in my heart. 

It's so easy to lose track of this because we are so busy trying to be the perfect mom, but we have to realize we are not the only parent. There is two, but children see us as one unit.  I've learned that the best gift you can give your children is a truly great marriage.  So like Erin I will live my best life.  I will enjoy today like it was my last day.

Erin...You will be remembered.  I hold you in my heart thank you for watching over me and all the other mothers out there.

Photo's from our mini vacation:

 My favorite photo ever !

Monday, May 9, 2011

A mother's love is like no other...

This Mother's Day was a bit different.  It was the first mother's day since my daughter was born that I wasn't sharing it with my own mother.  Although I was showered with breakfast, lunch, dinner, deserts, gifts, lots of hugs, kisses and "mommy your a cutie pie". I felt as though something was missing.  I reflected a lot today.  I thought of past memories and dreamed of future plans that will become memories.  I spent a lot of time with my nose in a book and my mind in thought.

In one of my moments alone today I gave thanks to God for making me who I am and for choosing my parents to raise me.  Some times I come across people who tell me that I am too "sensitive" too "soft" too "kind hearted" and that I need to toughen up because this is a difficult world.  In as much as I do agree that this is not an easy place to live in I don't agree with the fact that I need to toughen up.  My soft and kind heart is what makes me who I am.  I cry in publix commercials, my eyes water every time my daughter sings "you are so beautiful" and I have a soft heart for people in need.   This is me and I am not going to change.  So even if my heart gets broken a hundred times I am not going to change or become bitter because of one bad seed. I learn from every experience whether it be good or bad.  I have to thank God too for allowing me to have such an open mind and really soak in everything around me.  I learn from other people's experiences and I don't say that as a cliche, I really do learn.  I analyze where someone might have went wrong and I try very hard not to make the same mistake.  Life throws a lot of fast balls at you but I know that when one hits me no matter how hard it hurts I will cry, stand up, and wipe the dirt off my knees. 

 So today was not just like any other mothers day.  To me it was a day of reflection.  Life can get so busy that the smallest things that your children do are over looked.  So today I really soaken in every moment with my daughter, the one who has truly given me a reason to live.  I never really understood when my mother used to tell me " a mother's love is like no other" but now I can say I totally understand.  It's an unspeakable love that no mother can even put into words.  I looked into her eyes when she tried painting my nails but instead got more of my skin.  I laughed when she speed walked by the pool because I yelled at her not to run.  I held on to her longer when she came to me after dinner and said mommy I missed you, even though we were only a chair a part away.  I thought about the children who didn't have mothers or the children that where so upset at their mothers that today was just another day for them.  I prayed for those with and without mothers that they would find peace in their heart.  A mother's love is like no other.  We should all be grateful for the one thing they did right and that was giving us a chance at life to make a difference. 

I've also reflected on what life would be for my daughter if she didn't have me.  If God decided that my work was done here on earth and he needed me.  How would she survive?  How would my husband survive.  And in an instant I knew the answer...they would be just fine.  I know my husband would keep my memory alive and that I have created so many memories already with my daughter that they would forever be embedded in her mind and heart.  So this is my challenge for all those mothers out there. Create awesome memories.  Jump in the pool even though it's too cold.  Paint even though you are to tired to clean up the mess.  Hug her just alittle bit longer.  Plan birthday parties, even thought you think it's too stressful.  Take all her friends to the movies.  Love her a bit more every single day.  Create beautiful memories for your children.  Remember back on your own childhood memories and recreate them. 

To my amazing mother.  I can't stress enough that I am what you tough me to be.  Loving, kind, a friend as well as a parent, a God fearing woman, a woman of values, an amazing sister, a great wife and a thoughtful friend.  All to which I owe to you.  Even when people thought it was weird that you tucked me in bed until I moved out at 22 that to me was a beautiful memory. Planning parties and talking to me about what and what not to do with boys, those were awesome memories.  I can go on and on about the memories that have molded me to be who I am today but I'll keep some of those to myself.  Don't ever ever let anyone make you think otherwise. 

As mothers we are so hard on ourselves but remember as I always do, " you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it".  I have learned through the experience of others that a woman can be an amazing mother but children will choose their own path.  I am sure that my mother is proud of the path I chose but some children do learn by example and that is me.   My examples were the amazing parents that I had and whether or not they were going through hard times "we" never knew because all we had memories of was good times. 

So mother's reflect on your motherhood.  If you are in a fight with your mother. Pray. Ask the Lord to soften your heart. And if you don't want to ask the Lord as the trees, ask the stars, do whatever it takes to rekindle a relationship with your mother because remember there can be many fathers but only ONE mother. 

To my daughter, I promise to create beautiful memories until the Lord decides to take me.  Please Please Please be good to me.  I can take heart ache from others but can't imagine a heart ache from my child.  You are a morning star sent to me to inspire me to be a better person everyday.

To my sister,  One day you'll be asking me for motherly advice I promise !

To my husband,Thank you for making me feel like everyday is mothers day.

And too my papa, thanks for accepting me as your own. I wouldn't want it any other way. You are my main man!

And to me! Continue living life the way you want.  Don't let negative people change you.  Remain Positive.  Remain loving.

And to all the mother's that I know.  I love you guys very much and I think everyone of you are amazing women! My mommy, Johana, Adriana, Alicia, Slyvia, Amanda, Andrea, Barbara, Brandy, Bridget, Jessica, Chastity, Roxanne, Grandma Ida, Grandma Sharon, Titi Mille, Margie, Sonia, Alice, Mirna, Shelia, Dee, Nurka, Carmen, Titi Carmen, Eda, Emma, Evelyn, Sasha, Jessica, Susan, Jennifer, Maria, Lalonnie, Lorena, Lydia, Naga, Natasha, Natalie, Olga, Tamika, Tammy, Daniella, Titi Wee, and for anyone that I forgot you too are amazing!